I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize