You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
