Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize