you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
