I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
