before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
