I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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