i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
