So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
