matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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