just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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