She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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