i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
