Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
