can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
