Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
