I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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