We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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