Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My friends, they love my intelligence
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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