eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Come on in and take your pants off
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