Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
