there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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