Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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