He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
