Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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