I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize