Cold hands, warm shart.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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