just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
