We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
