I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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