Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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