I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
