If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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