sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
