I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's just like the Real World with babies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So much rum. So many feels.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
