i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize