I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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