Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
