I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
