so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
