im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was like giving head to a cactus.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize