I think i peed on brittanys purse
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
