P.S. I can't hear my feet
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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