I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
