i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
