walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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