my being single is dangerous.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
