On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
