I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
