I think my vagina is haunted
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
