Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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