You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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