I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Found your dick twin last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
