I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
