You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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