to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
