Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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