I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
