I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
