the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
