I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
