Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
