3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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