If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize