I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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