I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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