I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
