I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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