"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize