Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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