I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
