whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
